Vintage Bounty..................

I haven't gone to the beauty parlor since last August.  At that point I had my beautician give me a few highlights and a trim.  My hair has gotten quite long by now and as of this morning was sporting a number of split ends.  Torn between "hey, it's all going to fall out anyway" and wanting to feel good about what I see in the mirror right now, I found myself walking into a Bo Rics today.  I thought a rather inexpensive trim might serve as a good compromise for the time being.  I didn't want to get highlights as I'm worried about further damaging my hair before the chemo onslaught. 

Another reason for going to an unfamiliar place was that I didn't want to have to go through the whole story again with yet another acquaintance. As the lady cutting my hair went about her business, she began telling me about all of the specials they have coming up on highlights and conditioning.  Clearly she thought (and rightfully so) that my hair is in need of far more than just a trim :)  I finally had to explain to her why I wasn't going to be needing any more treatments in the near future thus defeating the whole purpose for my going there in the first place.

 But life is funny and God moves in mysterious ways.  The lady cutting my hair was quiet for a minute and then she began telling me that she had a cancer scare  herself a year ago.  She regrets having told anyone about it, because she noticed that people began treating her differently once she revealed her diagnosis.  The thing is, I've noticed the same thing.  There are people I've heard from and there are people that have avoided contacting me.  I'm sure it's a matter of not knowing what to say. 

There is no doubt that the people in my life care about what happens to me.  I don't want to feel isolated though.  I usually work these things out by myself. But it's different this time.  I need human contact in order to feel as though I'm still a part of the human race. I just know that I'm going to approach this kind of news about my loved ones and friends differently in the future having experienced it first hand.  When I've recovered......................

Life is Good..................i hope

I created this piece just a month ago when "life was truly good".  My art life was beginning to pick up, I was expanding my network of art friends, and my volunteerism was settling into a nice routine.  Goodness, things have a way of blindsiding you when you least expect it.

That's not true, I always expect life to throw curves my way and I still get blindsided when it happens!  Hmmmm...what does that say about me?  That I'm a hopeless optimist? Even now, with this nasty diagnosis hanging over my head, I'm filling out art show applications, planning for my winter shows, and generally thinking about the future.

Part of me has many moments of fear throughout the the day, but part of me wants to believe that I will get through this, that I will see my future grandchildren, that I will grow old with my husband, and that I will have the chance to live an artful life....................

They.................

Ever Wonder Who "They" Are?

We hear it all the time: "they say you shouldn't wear white before Memorial Day" or "they say that chocolate is bad for you".  The idea of some universal panel of experts falling under the heading of "they" has always annoyed me.  I've never been very good at listening to what "they" say.    

I've always heard that "they" said that living a kind and noble life, avoiding excess alcohol, cigarettes, and illegal drugs would result in a long and healthy run at this existence.  Wrong again "they". I found out that I have cancer.  

I know that there are certain phases that "they" say I will go through to deal with this new curve ball.  I am in day three of having this diagnosis.  I've already gone through extreme sadness, self-pity, guilt, anger, and utter determination.  I'm not sure how many phases there are in all, but I seem to be discovering them at a rapid clip.  I'm fairly certain that I will not only find myself dealing with new feelings, but that I will revisit the ones I've been hurtling through. Deal with them I will though.  I initially found myself completely paralyzed unable to even form coherent thoughts.  Well that sh----- just ain't gonna fly (as my oldest would say)!!

I'm going to follow my crazy thoughts on this blog and post photos of the art that comes out of this experience as long as I can.  In the meantime, I am happy to accept any positive thoughts that float out into the universe on my behalf.  And as far as "they" are concerned, I'm out!  Take your opinions elsewhere :)......................